A Mom’s Guilty Secret: I Don’t Miss My Daughter

imagesIt’s confession time. 

My 11 year old daughter’s been at camp, 100 miles away, for nearly a week, and I DON’T MISS HER. 

Well, maybe I should rephrase that.  I miss HER.  But I don’t miss the drama she creates on a daily basis.  I don’t miss the way she fights with her sister.  I don’t miss the backtalk, the disrespect, the stomping and door slamming, the defiance.  It’s been downright peaceful around here since last Monday. 

And it’s been quite nice to spend a little one on one time with my 10 year old daughter.  We’ve been swimming, taking walks, reading together.  She’s happily showing me her magic tricks, with no one around to spoil the magic and say the trick is ‘stupid’.  I suspect she doesn’t miss her sister much either. 

When I’m trying to sleep at night, I worry about her.  I wish I could call to make sure she’s all right, but of course in this case, no news is good news.  But I still worry.  Is it chilly at night?  Does she have warm enough clothes?  Is she drinking enough water (last year she got dehydrated at camp)?  Wearing sunscreen and chapstick (last year her lips cracked and bled)?  Is she eating (she’s underweight and last year lost 5 lbs at camp)? 

And I can’t wait to see her in a few days.  I can’t wait to hear her stories, listen to all the songs she’s learned, hear about all her adventures.  I can’t wait to see her come off the bus, happy and smiling and missing me.  I hope she has a new appreciation for home and family, for clean clothes and warm beds and sleeping in, but most of all for the people who love her.  And I hope that appreciation lasts a little longer than the 20 minute ride home.

24 Responses

  1. I can totally understand your feelings on this. I love, love my daughter and would really miss HER but not all of the drama, the what-were-you-thinking moments. And it would be so quiet; she is constant noise and always needs to be entertained. On the other hand, I think I’m pretty lucky that we like each other; she’s heading into high school and we still haven’t reached that point where every thing I say is stupid.

  2. Good luck! Our son’s 21 and I don’t think he appreciates us yet.

  3. Don’t feel guilty. As much as I love my children, there are things I don’t miss when they’re gone. It always feels like part of the music is missing when one of us is gone, but it’s sometimes nice to have the one on one with the others. My almost 11 year old boy gives us a lot of drama. My 8 year old puts up with it well, but it gets old, really fast!

  4. I can relate! I love my kids, BUT it is nice to have a bit of peace and quiet once in a while, too, a break from the three ring circus.

  5. My daughter’s only five, and yet I see this coming. I’m an introvert and she’s very much an extrovert- the constant talking and noise can wear on me. I can only think that when she’s old enough to go to camp, I’ll relish the peace and quiet, while still worrying if she’s okay…

  6. I soooo know what you mean! My sixteen-year-old’s gone to dad’s, and took her drama with her, too. I still have Mags and Gwen, who are taking up the slack by fighting with each other CONSTANTLY, but it’s still a more settled upet than with Sam here. Sam just has this frenetic quality to her that wears you out just being in the same room with her.

  7. You know… it will also be quiet that night she comes home as she will be exhausted and will go to bed early! (hee hee). Just imagine my peace o’ mind when mine are both gone for a week!

    Aahh… I can hear the margaritas and books calling me!

    S

  8. it’s good to sometimes take a ‘breather’. i think it’s beneficial to both of you. I am madly in love with my daughter but when she goes away for two weeks in the summer with her father I do try to enjoy this time and even though I worry I know it’s good for her.

  9. My 7yr old is at a sleepover tonight and while I worry a bit, I don’t actually miss having to be “mommy”. It’s quiet. There is no one to interupt. No one needing anything. Just me and hubby.

  10. You know what. I have a very good relationship with my 11 year old. I enjoy her company.

    And I really don’t miss her much when she’s gone. I’m happy to see her when she returns, but I enjoy my time without her, and she enjoys hers without me🙂.

  11. But you *do* miss your daughter, you are just enjoying a little “me” time just as much. As a parent (which I am not) I imagine you need these small snippets of time to recharge and relax away from the drama for a bit. Concentrate on a few of the things that you enjoy. We all need it!

    I hope your daughter’s homecoming is a happy one🙂

  12. My beautiful children just returned from three days at their aunt’s house–I missed them, but did not miss the non-stop TALKING! I swear, I’ll be in bed at night and they keep coming in to “tell me something”…aaahh!

    Everyone needs a break–of course, I worried about my sister-in-law because she only has one child–I was afraid her ears would fall off with my three–8, 12 and 13!

  13. hey, kids need a break from parents now and then as much as parents need a break from them – guilt free; enjoy

  14. I hope she had a great time at camp. 🙂

  15. I have been there, and totally understand what you’re saying. Sometimes I appreciate the kids more after a break like that – for about 20 minutes🙂.

  16. Don’t feel bad. Right now I am wishing that mine were away at camp because we have much of the same attitude going on here! Sometimes a break is good, for both parties.

  17. I can’t wait to read about the homecoming! 🙂

  18. well, since i live in a kid-free zone, i can’t really relate EXCEPT for the fact that i work in a high school during the academic year. i’m the ‘dean of mean’ and dole out all the punishments and lectures. fun! so against who i am! it’s a small, private school and luckily the kids aren’t really bad.

    as for not missing your daughter…i think my parents felt the same way when they shipped me off to camp when i was in 4th grade. 🙂

    have a drink and enjoy the peace and quiet.

  19. Chin up Mom! I teach 7th grade and I must tell you, it’s the toughest age for kids (and parents!)

  20. Lisa, you’re stories make me chuckle…and also appreciate my quiet house! lol I

    It’s been a few days now – are you ready to ship her off again or? Just kidding! ; ) My best friend is going thru much the same thing – Hang in there!

  21. Another mom chiming in to say “yeah, I get this feeling too.”
    You might like Ayelet Waldman’s memoir Bad Mother. Because no one can be as bad as she is! I reviewed it in May of this year.

  22. Me too. Then I am so excited to see her and pick her up and find out about her day and get the cold shoulder. Mothers and daughters..(insert big sigh)

  23. My sons are little but even at their young age they bicker all of the time. Everyone needs a break from that sort of thing now and then.

    My husband knows when I’m starting to go bonkers from all of the arguing when I start humming “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” – you know the line “and mom and dad can hardly wait for school to start again.” 🙂

  24. I am guessing she is home now. Hope she had a great time. I always wanted to go away to camp when I was younger but my parents could never swing it. It always sounded like so much fun.

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