How to Drive Your Mother Bonkers in 9 Easy Steps

Watch me drive my mom crazy! It's so easy!!!! Rah! Rah! Rah!

1.  Late at night, announce that you must wear your cheer uniform to school the next day for pictures.  Be sure the uniform has been worn for two days straight, has a mustard stain on the front, and is crumpled in a ball under your bed.

2.  Play the song Tick Tock on high volume 500 times in a row.

3.  After your shower each morning, leave your wet towel on your bed.  Don’t forget to leave your pajamas on the bathroom floor, preferably in a puddle of water.

4.  Offer to help your sister do something, than complain, scream, and cry when she doesn’t want your help.  Slam your door.  Refuse to come out of your room.  Stomp around.

5.  Spend two hours working on 4 math problems.  Tap your pencil repeatedly.  Sigh heavily.  Get up to find an eraser and get mad when you can’t find the one shaped like a dog.  Doodle.  Whine.  Sigh some more.  Beg for a break and snacks.

6.  Save all the REALLY IMPORTANT STUFF THAT CANNOT WAIT for when mom gets on the phone.  Interrupt at least 3 or 4 times per phone call.

7.  Don’t clean your guinea pig’s cage for a month, until the smell is overwhelming and no one can get near your bedroom without a gas mask.  Ditto for the frog’s aquarium.

8.  Take up tap dancing.  Practice a lot.  This will work best if you have wood or tile floors.  If you can practice your cheers while tap dancing.. even better.

9.  Ask for a hard-to-find brand of shoes.  Beg for them every chance you get.  Be sure to tell your mom that everybody has them.  Negotiate and make a bunch of deals until she breaks down and goes to three different stores to find them.  Decide after wearing them twice that you don’t really like them that much after all.  Announce that you only wanted them because your friends had them and you didn’t really like them in the first place.  Duck and run when Mom’s face starts to turn purple.

See?  I told you it was easy!  Please feel free to add your own tips and advice in the comments.

I am always looking for good suggestions!


41 Responses

  1. if that is your daughter in the picture she looks around 10
    mine is 13..hormones going and it is UGLY

    good luck!

  2. LOL! Is my daughter living with you?! Because it sure all sounds just like her. Ahhh, the joys of parenting a pre-teen girl on the verge of hormones raging 🙂

  3. I see this in my future! 🙂

  4. And I was just thinking you hadn’t blogged about your kids for awhile…

    I have nothing to add, other than that my 15-year-old STILL does item #3. I’m sorry to tell you this. But since she spends more time attached to her laptop via headphones, things ARE a bit quieter.

    I made it through my son’s adolescence, so my stepdaughter is my first time with a girl. At this point, I’m almost looking forward to when her younger brother hits HIS teens – boys really are easier.

    • I always say I wouldn’t know what to do with boys.. but they probably are easier. At least I understand what it’s like to be a girl.. boys are a mystery!

  5. Aw, c’mon Lisa, raising kids is a piece of cake! A cake walk! All fun and games! Hahahahahahahaha!! 🙂

  6. Sorry not to throw more empathy your way, but I’m glad I’m not the only one…I thought there for a minute you were talking about my daughter.

  7. I would offer up more suggestions, but I’m laughing too hard.

  8. Brings back memories (unpleasant ones) of when my daughter was 13-18 y/old…good luck!

  9. Yep, sounds like my house. 😀

  10. I’m not planning to have kids, so I don’t fear for this myself….but my 10 year old niece is starting to have mood swings, and I think we’re hurtling toward this with her. I’ll be sending my SIL your post as a warning 🙂

  11. How about listen to your brother get in trouble for something, then 10 minutes later complain that he’s the favorite and NEVER has to do any chores, ALWAYS gets to do whatever he wants. Hello??? Live here?

    Our favorite is about 2 months ago, the boy was doing chores and I asked her to go rotate the laundry. Her first chore of the day. Yet, she argued and was just sure she shouldn’t have to do it cause…who knows. She stomped down the stairs singing ‘He’s the favorite, favorite favorite favorite.” I had to laugh. Better than killing her.

  12. I have to say, you do have a very comedic side to you. When my kids push me over the brink, it ain’t pretty. But somehow, you make losing your mind look like fun. That’s probably why they taunt you endlessly.

    My daughter is 6 and has a fever blister the size of the Grand Cyn right now. She’s never had one before but at the tender age of six, vanity has hit and she spends hours in front of the mirror trying to conceal what simply cannot be concealed. In my attempt to help, she managed to scream at me, throw herself onto the couch like a rag doll, slam her milk down onto the table, curse her vitamins and storm off.


    • Aw, thanks! Sometimes all you can do is laugh. But I do lose it on occasion, and it’s not pretty here either!!

      curse her vitamins, LOL. That is so funny. Sounds like something mine would do!

  13. Well, then…it sounds like things have been fun at your house lately! Boys are loud, they are messy and even knows they have their share of problems but give me 4 boys any day over one girl between the ages of 10-18! Everything is such a drama!

    • Yes, drama fills our days. I find myself asking one of my kids almost every day, “Why is this such a big deal?” and the usual response is, “You just don’t get it, Mom!!”

      In my next life I’ll order up some boys..

  14. Even though I laughed at your list, I sympathize with you. I just spent 4 hours shoe shopping with my 19 yr old daughter last Saturday – in 4 different stores. But she was better than shoe shopping with my husband or son. At least she is cheerful. They just grumble and resent having to try on the shoes… On the other hand they tend to find their shoes, one pair, much quicker.

    • Shoes!!!!! One of my daughters doesn’t care and lets me pick out anything, the other one (this one) is more into brands and whatever the other kids have. It’s annoying.

      My husband will not go shoe shopping. I just buy them off the internet and he wears whatever I buy. So easy..

  15. We have days like that over here as well. They say that it gets easier as they get a little older, but that seems like a long way off. I just think boys are so much easier than girls. But you do have a great sense of humor about it!

  16. Oh my goodness! I am going to be in your shoes soon!

  17. Lisa… I can tell you might be easier but boy do they smell! I run around my house trying to find the source of the smell and I can never find it. I was never so glad when the last small animal died in our house. It was so sad but a relief. No more hunting around the house for hamster and waiting for one of the dogs or cats to find it first. I cried over so many hamster I could not take it anymore.

  18. Numbers 1 and 5 fit my 9-year-old perfectly. I think she practices driving me nuts! Hang in there…you’re not alone.

  19. Posts like this make me grateful I only have the four-legged variety. LOL Maybe someday I’ll get to experience one of the human kind. 🙂

  20. Oh Man – I thought 4 1/2 was bad. Now I see what I have to look forward to…

  21. brawhahahahahah…tooo funny…that is my only comment. Been there …done that…my girl is 21 now….but this is all part of a distant but CLEAR memory….

  22. Hey sis,

    I tagged you in a meme today on my blog. (This is my secret way to find out more about your likes and dislikes…mwah..ha..ha)


  23. Tell us you want to try out for the travel basketball team.
    Lecture us for an hour when we missed taking you on the first day of try-outs because mom was out on business, and it wasn’t on dad’s calendar. When I offer to take you for the second day, go back and forth, “I want to go” “I don’t want to go”. Ask mom to make the decision, knowing she can’t, and will only put it back to you. Now I’m listening to both of you screeching at the told of your lungs. Yes, I know, I signed up for this, really, it’s part of life. Ignore me the first time I say “both of you, I love you, but shut up. Now. Go up and put your gym shorts on. We’re going. If you don’t make the team, this is all moot. If you do, congrats.”
    Next, b**ch the whole way, and tell me I better stay for the 90 minutes of tryouts. When we walk in to the gym, dismiss me, treat me like the hired help, tonight I’m just the driver, and since your friends’ parents all left, I am an embarrassment.
    When I pick you up, act as if the whole day never happened, you made the team.
    The whole way home complain that you heard the away games are 40 minutes away and you hate car rides.

    (note: I am a dad who blogs on financial topics at my site. I stepped outside my main writing to review GiveMe, and found this blog through that. My wife and I both work full time, and I’m committed to be as involved as a dad can be.)


  24. The twins always wait until I’m on the phone to interrupt me.

  25. Sounds like you have been having fun!

    Here’s something to take your mind off all that. Join the National Poetry Month blog tour in April:

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