Adventures at a Discount Retailer

I’ve gained a few pounds in the last year (let’s not talk about it) so I have nothing decent to wear to my one big social event of the month (book club).  Ok, it’s not really a big social event, but it is the only time all month that I hang out with other women away from my kids.  I want to look nice.  But I hate spending money and I loathe the mall, so yesterday I headed over to the store with Big Designer Names for Less (I won’t name them but “You should go” is their slogan). 

Treasure hunting through rack upon overstuffed rack of mostly out of season or weirdly colored clothing takes time.  I spent a good hour sifting through things to find 8 items to try on.  One thing I picked up was something I was curious about rather than something I planned to buy- a pair of Seven for all Mankind jeans (the same brand worn by Jennifer Aniston and Cameron Diaz) for $79.  In the big department stores, these go for $189 and up.  I intended to find out why they were so pricey. 

So into the dressing room I went with all my treasures.  I put on the Seven jeans.  Oh. My. God.  THE softest jeans ever.  Slouchy in all the right places, snug where you want them to be.  Faded to perfection.  I turned in the mirror and just couldn’t believe how much I loved these jeans.  I left the room and walked over to the bigger 3 way mirror.  Yep, they looked great from all angles.  Sexy, even.  Really!  I felt great!  And I looked hot (well, as hot as a 40something mini-van driving mom of two with a couple extra pounds can look!)  

Shoot.  I’ve never spent that much for jeans, but how often do you find the perfect pair?  I’ve spent a lifetime looking for them!  How much money have I wasted on many pairs of less than perfect jeans?  I don’t even want to think about it. 

They were indeed perfect- and I had talked myself into buying them- until I sat down in them.  Turns out they are super low in back, and half my ass hangs out when I sit down. Well, that’s not gonna work.  The book club girls don’t need to see THAT.  I even thought, could I STAND through the entire two hours of book club?  Or sit in such a way that my backside remained plastered against the couch?  But common sense prevailed and I put them back on the rack. 

Nothing else looked right.  Other jeans I tried on were too short (I’m 5’10” so that’s a common problem).  I liked one cute top but the side seam was crooked.  Another top would have been perfect in a different color.  There was a green hoodie I really liked but the zipper felt like it could easily break.  

I also looked at shoes.  My gym shoes are thrashed and I could really use some new Nikes- but not in neon green or orange, which is all they had in my size!  Since sandal season is over, I need some flats to wear with jeans- but with my size 10 boats I just want a normal color.  There were some purple patent leather pointy toed flats- cute on a size 6 maybe, but definitely not for me!  Might as well wear a sign saying “Look at my giant feet”.  

After about 90 minutes, I left the store empty handed. I’m at a weird age, clothes-wise.  Everything seems either too young or too old for me.  There must be clothes out there that are stylish but not too trendy, classic but not matronly.  WHERE ARE THEY?