7 Ways To Make Sure No One Reads Your Blog Posts

I picked up a few tips from the comments in Read Me and wanted to pass them along!

1.  Be longwinded.  Lots of readers will skip right over your posts if they are extra long.

2.  Write lengthy paragraphs.  Breaking up your writing into smaller chunks makes it much too easy for the reader.

3.  Do not use humor.  Blogging should be serious.

4.  Don’t bother with links, photos or art.  Visually interesting posts attract readers.  

5.  Fill your posts with spelling and grammatical errors.  This shows you don’t care enough about your readers to proofread or use spellcheck.

6.  Post infrequently.  Once or twice a month is good.

7.  Post excessively.  Overwhelm readers with 50+ posts a month and they will “mark all as unread”.

Do you have some more tips?  Leave me a comment!

65 Responses

  1. How about “post only memes” (no one really cares about original content, anyway)

    Thanks for the list! Since I prefer that people read my posts, I’ll try to avoid these (I’m guilty of the long posts …working on it!)

  2. Sigh. I like reading long posts, as long as they have interesting content, and mine sometimes run long as well. I’ll try to improve that.

    Thanks for the list!

    • I’d love to read your long posts but your link doesn’t work!! Another good way to make sure no one reads your posts!! LOL If you need help fixing it, let me know.

      • I’m hoping it is fixed now– I went to your “About” page to find your e-mail address, and one of the comments gave me a clue where to look.

        Thanks so much for pointing out the problem and giving me the clue to fix it!

      • I think I fixed it, but my previous reply to that effect didn’t show up. Weird. (My apologies if this is a duplicate.)

        Thanks for your help!

  3. HAHAHAHA!!! This is great. I would add about commenting: make it incredibly hard for anyone to leave a comment, make them confused even about where to comment.

    Cover your blog in flashing images that don’t add any value to your blog, but you think are cute.

    Use tons of Neon, we all love it.

  4. YES! Great tips, Bethany. Along with the flashing and the neon, add music! That cuts down on readers too because it takes forever for the blog to load.

  5. Great post! I am so guilty of skimming and deleting for just these reasons.

  6. I don’t think I’ll change the way I write my reviews. I do write longer reviews than others, but I do add a picture or two to break things up. Does including images and links, etc. cancel out four paragraph reviews with 5 or 6 sentences each? LOL!

    Is not using humor seriously what people said? I like my blogs to have personal touches and humor. If I wanted to read the newspaper, I would read the newspaper.

    My one tip would be to keep your layout simple and fresh. If I can’t figure out how to navigate it or if I get eye strain within the first two minutes I’m on your blog, I won’t feel like coming back.

    Great post, Lisa!

    • Jen- This post is how to drive people away- so use humor if you want readers, don’t use it if you don’t! People said they like the humorous posts. I love your reviews- don’t change a thing- you always go above and beyond. They are always great, visually interesting, wonderful!!

      So your tip if you want to make sure no one reads your posts is to clutter up your blog and give people eye strain. Great tip, thanks! LOL

  7. I couldn’t agree more with the meme’s and the music. I completely avoid blogs who have music because I’m usually listening to my own, or can if I CHOOSE to push play. If I’m not, it because I don’t want to. And meme’s. Who even started with those? Stab me in the eyes if I have to read another one of those.

    I also don’t like clutter. Do you want me to read your blog or look at your awards, links you hope I click on so you can make money, and all the other random crap on your sidebar that has NOTHING to do you with your actual blog? People can at least make sure they have purpose to the blog if they are there.

    Wow, I’m long winded today.

  8. This is hilarious!

  9. I definitely agree about the excess use of memes and the auto-play music. Another good tip to keep visitors away from your blog is: Use partial feeds. I think people do this to increase their actual page views instead of feed reeder views, but (for me at least) it’s got exactly the opposite effect – it is *exceptionally* rare that I will click through on a partial feed item.

    • I don’t even know what a partial feed is.. will have to find out!

      • Oh, m’bad. They’re where only the first five lines (or whatever) of a post show up in the RSS feed, instead of the whole post, so if you want to read a whole post, you have to click out of Google Reader and go to the actual blog.

        …and usually that blog has music playing.🙂

  10. oh, music…the BANE of blogs everywhere.

    like bethany, i REALLY enjoy scavenger hunt-style commenting. when i can’t actually find the COMMENT button, i do dances of joy. do i click on “2 comments”, “post a comment”, “subscribe to comments”?!?!?! i need a map on some blogs.

    thanks for the chuckle.

  11. Lots of great comments and tips. One thing that gets me moving on to the next blog is TONS of pictures. A few pictures are nice to break up a lot of text of highlight a point, but TONS of pictures getting in the way of the text is too much.

  12. Make sure your sidebars and posts are so full of pictures and gadgets that it slows down the page loading time for even high speed users. (I usually bookmark blogs I read regularly rather than subscribing. I just deleted a couple favorites this past week because they had way too much going on.) Great post!

  13. Brag about how great you are. Complain about people who don’t do what you want.

    That makes for great controversy! And everyone loves that!!

  14. I’m glad that Jennifer cleared up the humor thing. I almost went bezerk on that comment, too! My biggest issue right now are the bloggers that set their feed to a portion of their published post. I’m going to post about it this week because if they don’t change their settings, unfortunately I have to drop them from my reader. I want to read their posts, but it will add 1/2 hour onto my reading just to go to their site and read them whereas I can glide through the others on my reader and only click over when the mood strikes. 🙂

    Another weird thing… all of my “Blogger” platform blogs that I write have been changed. Something happened in “Blogger Land” over a week ago. It caused all of their RSS Feeds to run tremendously slow. Therefore, I can no longer use my email Outlook exchange to read their posts and am now a slave to Google Reader. I’m really bummed out about this and I fear that it will impede upon my active involvement in reading other blogs. All the WordPress and self-hosted blogs were unaffected. So sad!

    Hugs.

    Sheri

  15. This is getting a spotlight in my weekend links roundup – I sure hope people read that post :-)! Great job, Lisa🙂.

  16. Use the same phrases over and over….for example, (I just made this up–I don’t know anyone who actually says this) say “I was pleasantly shocked at how much I liked this book” in every other review.

    I’ll have to see if I’m guilty of any of these, including my own suggestion….LOL!

    • Oh yes, constant repetition- overused phrases- good one!

      • Is there some program out there that can view your blog and tell you if you’re overusing a phrase? I have noticed a few that keep cropping up in my own blog. I do make an effort to prevent this, but it’s just me here. Some help sure would help.

  17. Too true! And I agree with the comments about memes and music – both bad!

    • I don’t mind some memes (and I participate in a couple from time to time- Sunday Salon and Teaser Tuesday) but if it’s ALL memes- that is a very effective technique for driving people away!

  18. This is great! I would like to add (sorry if it was already said and I missed it) only blog reviews on books that have been reviewed on every other blog that week. That drives me a little batty. I just start skipping them. Five for the same book in 2 days is a little much.

    Also, I think grammar is important, but if you have an error or two don’t freak out. Everyone makes mistakes. But if it is constantly a problem, or 50% of your post, then there is a problem.

    I realized this evening I had 25 posts this week! Omg! How did that happen? I’m going to be on that 50 posts a month list!

    • Rebecca, thanks for the comment. Wow you are quite the prolific poster! I don’t always do 25 posts in a month let alone a week. That is a lot.

  19. My pet peeve is playing music over your blog. Nothing gets me to click the window closed faster!

  20. I am so guilty of being long-winded! Will have to work on that.

    The music thing really drives me nuts. I tend to open a gazillion tabs to read at leisure – and when one of them has music, I either have to go through all of them frantically to find the culprit or turn down my sound.

    I must admit to one guilty pleasure. I never post blog quizzes but I love when others do. I find I pop over and take the quiz and pop back and put my answer in the comments. They are FUN!

  21. Love the list! I’ve got to second the music playing suggestion – drives me nuts!

  22. Great tips and so true. I agree with all of them but just as with not enough posts and too many, I would say posts, especially reviews that are too short will probably not attract my attention because I am skeptical if a person who reviews a book in five or six sentences actually read the whole book.
    The same with links, photos and art. i agree that there should be some but not too many because then it looks like a patchwork quilt and at least my attention gets scattered and taken away from the actual written content.
    Ah well, it’s so hard altogether to get that perfect middle ground isn’t it? LOL!

  23. Glad the humor thing is okay since I routinely break several of the other commandments (especially the long post thing). Oops! I have to agree with others that I hate music on blogs and most memes. One other thing no one has mentioned is the hard to read background/font thing. If they don’t contrast enough, it causes serious eye strain trying to read the blog. I strain my eyes enough reading with a small light at night so my husband can sleep. I don’t need my computer time to contribute to my incipient blindness.

    • I’m with you on the eye strain- I don’t even bother to try to read blogs that have patterned backgrounds and funky colored fonts.

  24. Great post! I have a tendency to prattle on too much, but at least my blog name has the word “babble” in it. I figure that’s fair warning. LOL

  25. Haha, love the list! Okay, next how about some tips on how to get people to un-follow you on Twitter!

    1. Post only links to your own blog posts.
    2. ???

  26. Good tips, and I’m trying to follow. I am not very dedicated sometimes.

  27. This is funny. The thing is…everyone has an opinion!!!!! And their opinion differs from someone else….I think we should all write the blog we want to read like Becky once said.

  28. Excellent post!

    Music gets on my nerves, too, for reasons that have already been mentioned. Same goes with overuse of pictures, awards, memes, etc. Too much of a good thing isn’t a good thing!

    Another thing that will make me run from a blog; people who mostly only posts about how many books they’ve received, but rarely post reviews. Don’t get me wrong, I like the “In my mailbox” meme, but not if it’s only about that!

  29. TOO Funny!

  30. Oh gawd! #’s 1, 2 and 6 kind of apply to me, especially lately! I’d better start toeing the line again and become less pedantic and dull.

  31. Write your blog almost the same color as the background. This drives me crazy. Or have a weird faded design for background that gets in the way.
    I saw someone mention flashing items. I will scroll away from these, hurts my eyes and brain. Sometimes advertisements will flash.

  32. I do 1, 2, and 6 all the time. In fact most of my posts are over 500 words (I know several of them are over 2000 words and one of them, my longest I believe, is 5,200 words according to word count in Open Office). I often have trouble limiting myself and want to add even more.

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